Vote No. I am a GBLT ally.

Being in Minnesota, there’s a lot going on lately with regards to voting on the marriage amendment. There are MANY reasons why this issue in an important one. And yes, I think that there are many other issues just as important (maybe more) that are being put into the background. But this is a focus right now, and nothing is going to change that.

Chris Kluwe (of the MN Vikings) has recently been active on this topic. He’s fighting religion with religion. I think I might love this man, in a non strange stranger kind of way. But sometimes I fear that he get’s a little too emotional about it and focusing on the wrong aspects. Yes, I know that religion plays into it for a lot of people. The Bible can be interpreted many different ways. (as evidenced in how may different factions of religions there are) So I don’t know if this is really an effective way to “fight”. I will say, that I agree with him in regards to his religious ideas on the subject. And sometimes it’s the only way to get through to people.

For those like me, it’s really important to not only support this issue, but talking about it is something that needs to be done. Talk to friends, family members, neighbors, people in line at the store. If you’re like me and find that difficult, find a way to practice. Start discussions with friends known to be of the same opinion. Then gradually start talking to fiends and family members that may have the opposite opinion.

You’ll find that a lot of people, don’t even understand exactly what they are voting on.

We are not voting on legalizing gay marriage For people in the Minnesota gay/lesbian community, there’s already a law stating that Minnesota does not legally recognize their marriage.  If everyone votes no, it’s not really going to change anything here. Which is sad, but something we can work to change in the future. Providing the amendment doesn’t pass.

The part that scares me most; is this would be writing discrimination into the State Constitution. I just don’t know what would come next. And for those who argue the religion side? I say, isn’t there supposed to be a separation of church and state?

I’m not saying we should all be of the same mentality. Differing opinions are what make discussion fun and interesting. Hearing others point of view is a fantastic experience. Intelligent discussion, there’s nothing better.

Vote No. That’s what I’m going to do.

I am a GLBT ally.

I miss...Oh shiny!... Damn.

I really miss my belly dance class. Not because I was good at it. Believe me, I’m clumsy as fuck and probably the least graceful person in the world.

No, I miss this class for a few reasons.

1. It forced me out of my comfort zone. Which is something that I need.
2. It forced physical activity. Seriously, I’m fat. I need exercise.
3. Once I got used to it, class was really fun. Did I still have to force myself to go sometimes, sure, but once there, I really enjoyed myself.
4. I have re-discovered my love of dance. All dance. This was just a new form of it for me.
5. Did I mention physical activity? Still fat.

The reason I stopped class was twofold. One: RenFest. While I like to keep busy, (when I’m not enjoying my alone time and start to crave human interaction) my life was extra busy during that run. Two: my teacher isn’t teaching this session. Her husband was hit by a drunk driver so understandably, she’s out right now.

Based on these 2 issues, no class this session for me. I feel the difference and know what I have to do in order to get back into it. But like all my other fat girl issues, it’s always easier to sit at home and do nothing but make excuses about being to busy.

Suck it up Buttercup. Get back in the game. Take a different fucking class. Go for a fucking walk. Stop eating the candy bars constantly at your desk during October because you’re stupid enough to put a fucking candy dish on your des. And stop acting fucking surprised that people are putting candy in there.

Ok, so this started out in my brain as being more devoted to belly dance, but ended up a nightmare of self loathing. Guess that happens. Stop judging me damn it.

I like to aim shit at my co-workers junk.

Some co-workers (I’ll call the man R, and the woman P) were playing with the heavy duty stapler at our field service desk, and they couldn’t figure out how to get the new staples into it.  I have a window in my cube, that points not outside, but into the field service area. While the blinds are usually closed, because it’s a stupid fucking view, I have them open right now, because the Halloween decorations have gone up. This is some funny shit, watching the two of them, and really, I’m entertained so I don’t offer to help at this point.

So R goes in back to find someone that know how to re-fill the staples, and R comes around the wall to ask me. Being the office savvy girl I am, I totally know how to do this. Seriously, this stupid thing is hardly ever used so whenever it needs staples, we go through the, “does anyone know how to do this” routine, so I made myself remember.

P goes to find R and they both come back just as I’m starting to put it all back together. There’s a whole back end conversation at this point that I’m not even going to go into (I’ve said before we aren’t very work appropriate here), and I’m trying to get the plunger back in. Of course, it’s being not cooperative and as soon as I “think” I’ve got it back together and let go:

It shoots right the fuck out and damn near hits R in the man bits. This shit does happen in real life and isn’t always staged for America’s Funniest Home Videos.

I laughed so hard, I started the “silent laugh”. Those of you that know me, know what this means.  I also laughed so hard, I started to hyper-fucking-ventilate. Seriously.

The first thing I said when I could breathe again, and I had gone potty, cause I totally thought I was going to pee my pants, was that this was going into my fucking blog. So here it is.

My second post of the day, because one is never enough.

Since I haven't posted in about a week, I figured I would make up for it in one day.  Also, I should learn that not every post need to be an novel....

There’s another blogger who posted about not being good a meeting celebrities. I now know how she feels. I’ve had some experiences with celeb’s in the past, back in my party days. But those were more informal/I don’t REALLY know who you are or fucking care kind of run-ins. Life is a different story now. I’m slightly more invested in my life and what I do with it and who I meet. With my anxiety, I’m not really good around people anyway. Luckily, most people see me as being shy, which I always think means I’m covering my uncomfortableness well. Spellcheck says unconfortableness isn’t word, but I’m damn well using it anyway.

I recently got to meet The Bloggess (Jenny Lawson) who may not be a celebrity in the most common sense of the word but I think she’s pretty fucking awesome. Ms Lawson was here for a reading and book signing for Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. I was lucky enough to attend with friends who pay better attention to details than I do, so we were right up front for the line up of signings.

The reading was fantabulous (really spellcheck? This one you pickup as an ok word?). She read that shit just like it had sounded in my head when I picked up the book. Which is kind of fucking scary because her voice even sounded the same and I’d never heard her speak. Weird.

As stated, we were in the front of the line for the signing portion of the night. Both my friend and I hurt our asses by sitting on the metal folding chairs for almost 2 hours. (damn coccyx bone injuries!! I love that word. coccyx) So there we were standing fairly awkwardly in line in front of about 70 gorram people. Typically I’m better in large groups like this, however because of our place in line, I felt like EVERYONE was looking at us. Sure, the logical part knows they weren’t. But that’s logic, and I’m a female humanoid, so that means I trend toward the emotional side.

By the time we got up to meet her, about 10 minutes had gone by. I couldn’t:

1. Talk to her,
2. Come up with a coherent sentence, other than “Great, how are you?” in response to her polite inquiry.
3. Even look her in the fucking eye

Fail Cassandra. Fail. Thankfully, I didn’t make a complete ass out of myself by locking my knees and ending up in a dead faint. But I had to keep reminding myself to keep my knees soft. And it helped that my friend was kind enough to remind of that as well.

My vagina is mad at my musical choices.

My conversation starter/opening line with a co-worker this morning as we were on our way to get coffee:

Me: So apparently my vagina is mad at me.

I’ve been craving “chick” music. Most women, when they get on a kick like this, want Lilith Fair type music or they’ll go for Alanis Morrisette, whom I’m in love with in a normal fan, non stalker kind of way. But NO, that isn’t what my vagina wants to hear. I want angry, death metal, screaming female rock. When you don’t know the names of bands or songs, Googling takes some effort.  Yes, I do know a couple of heavy metal bands that either are female lead or feature a song with a woman fronting the song.

In this Moment: Awesome female lead, great songs and have one of their CD’s. (yes, I still use this format because I’m fucking old and I don’t like change)

Kitty: Yeah, this covers what I want, but I’ve never been a big fan.

Flyleaf: Female lead, I hear their stuff on the radio, and really enjoy what I’ve heard. But don’t own any of their music, so I can’t jam out in the car.

Apocalyptica: Great metal, with cello’s and fiddles and violins mixed with guitar and drums. Fantastic song on the Worlds Collide CD, with Cristina Scabbia fronting. (it’s called S.O.S and while there’s only 5 songs on the CD with vocals, and ALL the songs are fantastic, this one’s my favorite.)

I know there’s more out there, hence the Google fun. After bringing up some of the above mentioned bands to at least get a quick fix, I had very little time for more searching. I did make a quick attempt at finding more music by Cristina Scabbia, and found her band Lacuna Coil. I think they may be my new favorite.

Point of this post? There really isn’t one except that maybe I should expand my music collection again and buy some more CD’s. (Again, I’m fucking old! Plus, I like to listen to music in the car so CD’s are really my only option)

Really amazing sex with the wrong person, can still be enough.

Since I have nothing really interesting to post from my own mind/life, I'm posting a conversation I had with a co-worker the other day. I'll be editing some of this, because most of our conversations at work are not actually work appropriate. Shocking really since we have a really wide mix of people and ages in our small office. Since I’m not really sure I want to use real names, I’ll call this co-worker Joe.

Joe: So guess what?

Me: You broke up, again?

Joe: This time it’s over, for real.

Me: Yeah right. You fucking say this every time.

Joe: But this time it really is over. I’m so done.

Me: This is what, month 7 and you broken up 8 times? You say that’s it every time. Eventually, you’re going to have to make a decision and stick to it.

Joe: This is that time. *He proceeds to go into detail about the issues, which, since they’re his, I’m not going to divulge those details execept to say one of the few reasons he's with her is because she's hot.

At this point, he sounds serious about it being over. But I know him well enough not to take him seriously. One of these days he’s going to get it, but I think he’s afraid to be alone right now, so I let it go and just give him a lot of shit about it.

Next day comes and I’m wondering if he’s had this big talk with this squeeze.

Me: So did you talk to her last night?

Him: No, instead we had really amazing sex.

Me: *Headsmack.* OK, I’m not even going fucking go there with you. But see, this is why I never believe you when you say it's over.

Just goes to show you. Women aren’t the only ones afraid of being alone, and are willing to hang on to the wrong person for the almighty orgasm.

So I was all excited to start writing in my very own blog. I set it up, wrote my first post with very little thought, getting more and more excited at the prospect of having my own place to share thoughts and through out ideas and being witty and smart and generally fantastic in a way that I never am in real life because I’m too busy trying to stay in my shell. I love the run on sentence! It’ll be here all the time. Some people write correctly, and some write how they talk. Guess which one I am.

So what happens when I try to write my first real blog? Not exactly writers block, but something equally as horrifying. I suddenly have stray thoughts on a dozen subjects that need attention. All of it jumbled together and all pouring out at the same time. Totally unreadable because I’d then be ADD blog girl, and while it will happen from time to time here, was not my intention when I decided to start this.

I never really figured out how I wanted this to go when I started and probably have been thinking about it far too much in the past 24 hours.

Mostly, I’d just wanted a place to write more than just a paragraph on someone else’s blog. Never really thinking I would share anything intensely personal.

Guess I’ll be waiting a few days so that I can get my thoughts in some semblance of order or at least figuring out what directions I want this to go in while I get comfortable with sharing my thoughts.

I have to give a lot of credit to the people who’ve been doing this for any period of time. I wonder how they got started and what kind of internal struggles they fought in order to keep them going.

And for my first attempt... I'll try not to bore you.

I'll start by stating that I'm not a writer. I'm a reader. I'm a follower of a few blogs and my interest in other peoples lives is easier than being interested in my own. That being said, I've been thinking of starting my own blog for a while. Just to get thoughts out or post my own long winded opinions about ideas found by reading other blogs. Since the inception of thought about my own blog, I've contstantly had the, "If I ever follow through with starting my own blog..." moments. Even going so far as to (barely) discuss it with an awesome blogger/friend. Finding myself with a little time today, I figured, why not? Immediately upon sighing up, it was almost as though something opened up inside my brainpan.
My first reaction after this brainpan opening was: What just happened?!? Did I really decide to do this? Who's even going to want to read this thing? Do I even care? Do I want to make my thoughts known in such a public forum? Well, like many things I do, doesn't matter know. Should have thought about that before. Let's just go with it. And so I shall.
Not really knowing what I'm doing here, it'll probably take me some time to figure it all out. But whatever. I'll get it eventually and probably even be able to figure out how to add even more fun stuff.

**PS. I'm started to get excited by the idea of having a blog.