My second post of the day, because one is never enough.

Since I haven't posted in about a week, I figured I would make up for it in one day.  Also, I should learn that not every post need to be an novel....

There’s another blogger who posted about not being good a meeting celebrities. I now know how she feels. I’ve had some experiences with celeb’s in the past, back in my party days. But those were more informal/I don’t REALLY know who you are or fucking care kind of run-ins. Life is a different story now. I’m slightly more invested in my life and what I do with it and who I meet. With my anxiety, I’m not really good around people anyway. Luckily, most people see me as being shy, which I always think means I’m covering my uncomfortableness well. Spellcheck says unconfortableness isn’t word, but I’m damn well using it anyway.

I recently got to meet The Bloggess (Jenny Lawson) who may not be a celebrity in the most common sense of the word but I think she’s pretty fucking awesome. Ms Lawson was here for a reading and book signing for Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. I was lucky enough to attend with friends who pay better attention to details than I do, so we were right up front for the line up of signings.

The reading was fantabulous (really spellcheck? This one you pickup as an ok word?). She read that shit just like it had sounded in my head when I picked up the book. Which is kind of fucking scary because her voice even sounded the same and I’d never heard her speak. Weird.

As stated, we were in the front of the line for the signing portion of the night. Both my friend and I hurt our asses by sitting on the metal folding chairs for almost 2 hours. (damn coccyx bone injuries!! I love that word. coccyx) So there we were standing fairly awkwardly in line in front of about 70 gorram people. Typically I’m better in large groups like this, however because of our place in line, I felt like EVERYONE was looking at us. Sure, the logical part knows they weren’t. But that’s logic, and I’m a female humanoid, so that means I trend toward the emotional side.

By the time we got up to meet her, about 10 minutes had gone by. I couldn’t:

1. Talk to her,
2. Come up with a coherent sentence, other than “Great, how are you?” in response to her polite inquiry.
3. Even look her in the fucking eye

Fail Cassandra. Fail. Thankfully, I didn’t make a complete ass out of myself by locking my knees and ending up in a dead faint. But I had to keep reminding myself to keep my knees soft. And it helped that my friend was kind enough to remind of that as well.

My vagina is mad at my musical choices.

My conversation starter/opening line with a co-worker this morning as we were on our way to get coffee:

Me: So apparently my vagina is mad at me.

I’ve been craving “chick” music. Most women, when they get on a kick like this, want Lilith Fair type music or they’ll go for Alanis Morrisette, whom I’m in love with in a normal fan, non stalker kind of way. But NO, that isn’t what my vagina wants to hear. I want angry, death metal, screaming female rock. When you don’t know the names of bands or songs, Googling takes some effort.  Yes, I do know a couple of heavy metal bands that either are female lead or feature a song with a woman fronting the song.

In this Moment: Awesome female lead, great songs and have one of their CD’s. (yes, I still use this format because I’m fucking old and I don’t like change)

Kitty: Yeah, this covers what I want, but I’ve never been a big fan.

Flyleaf: Female lead, I hear their stuff on the radio, and really enjoy what I’ve heard. But don’t own any of their music, so I can’t jam out in the car.

Apocalyptica: Great metal, with cello’s and fiddles and violins mixed with guitar and drums. Fantastic song on the Worlds Collide CD, with Cristina Scabbia fronting. (it’s called S.O.S and while there’s only 5 songs on the CD with vocals, and ALL the songs are fantastic, this one’s my favorite.)

I know there’s more out there, hence the Google fun. After bringing up some of the above mentioned bands to at least get a quick fix, I had very little time for more searching. I did make a quick attempt at finding more music by Cristina Scabbia, and found her band Lacuna Coil. I think they may be my new favorite.

Point of this post? There really isn’t one except that maybe I should expand my music collection again and buy some more CD’s. (Again, I’m fucking old! Plus, I like to listen to music in the car so CD’s are really my only option)

Really amazing sex with the wrong person, can still be enough.

Since I have nothing really interesting to post from my own mind/life, I'm posting a conversation I had with a co-worker the other day. I'll be editing some of this, because most of our conversations at work are not actually work appropriate. Shocking really since we have a really wide mix of people and ages in our small office. Since I’m not really sure I want to use real names, I’ll call this co-worker Joe.

Joe: So guess what?

Me: You broke up, again?

Joe: This time it’s over, for real.

Me: Yeah right. You fucking say this every time.

Joe: But this time it really is over. I’m so done.

Me: This is what, month 7 and you broken up 8 times? You say that’s it every time. Eventually, you’re going to have to make a decision and stick to it.

Joe: This is that time. *He proceeds to go into detail about the issues, which, since they’re his, I’m not going to divulge those details execept to say one of the few reasons he's with her is because she's hot.

At this point, he sounds serious about it being over. But I know him well enough not to take him seriously. One of these days he’s going to get it, but I think he’s afraid to be alone right now, so I let it go and just give him a lot of shit about it.

Next day comes and I’m wondering if he’s had this big talk with this squeeze.

Me: So did you talk to her last night?

Him: No, instead we had really amazing sex.

Me: *Headsmack.* OK, I’m not even going fucking go there with you. But see, this is why I never believe you when you say it's over.

Just goes to show you. Women aren’t the only ones afraid of being alone, and are willing to hang on to the wrong person for the almighty orgasm.

So I was all excited to start writing in my very own blog. I set it up, wrote my first post with very little thought, getting more and more excited at the prospect of having my own place to share thoughts and through out ideas and being witty and smart and generally fantastic in a way that I never am in real life because I’m too busy trying to stay in my shell. I love the run on sentence! It’ll be here all the time. Some people write correctly, and some write how they talk. Guess which one I am.

So what happens when I try to write my first real blog? Not exactly writers block, but something equally as horrifying. I suddenly have stray thoughts on a dozen subjects that need attention. All of it jumbled together and all pouring out at the same time. Totally unreadable because I’d then be ADD blog girl, and while it will happen from time to time here, was not my intention when I decided to start this.

I never really figured out how I wanted this to go when I started and probably have been thinking about it far too much in the past 24 hours.

Mostly, I’d just wanted a place to write more than just a paragraph on someone else’s blog. Never really thinking I would share anything intensely personal.

Guess I’ll be waiting a few days so that I can get my thoughts in some semblance of order or at least figuring out what directions I want this to go in while I get comfortable with sharing my thoughts.

I have to give a lot of credit to the people who’ve been doing this for any period of time. I wonder how they got started and what kind of internal struggles they fought in order to keep them going.

And for my first attempt... I'll try not to bore you.

I'll start by stating that I'm not a writer. I'm a reader. I'm a follower of a few blogs and my interest in other peoples lives is easier than being interested in my own. That being said, I've been thinking of starting my own blog for a while. Just to get thoughts out or post my own long winded opinions about ideas found by reading other blogs. Since the inception of thought about my own blog, I've contstantly had the, "If I ever follow through with starting my own blog..." moments. Even going so far as to (barely) discuss it with an awesome blogger/friend. Finding myself with a little time today, I figured, why not? Immediately upon sighing up, it was almost as though something opened up inside my brainpan.
My first reaction after this brainpan opening was: What just happened?!? Did I really decide to do this? Who's even going to want to read this thing? Do I even care? Do I want to make my thoughts known in such a public forum? Well, like many things I do, doesn't matter know. Should have thought about that before. Let's just go with it. And so I shall.
Not really knowing what I'm doing here, it'll probably take me some time to figure it all out. But whatever. I'll get it eventually and probably even be able to figure out how to add even more fun stuff.

**PS. I'm started to get excited by the idea of having a blog.